The title says it all in a funny sentence, so let me extrapolate: The last few weeks or so, for whatever reason, I've been not hungry, like, at all, listening to a BUNCH of Eminem (and other depressing or hatred artists/songs), and still hating most of the world. Why? Well, I'll tell ya what I think.
First and probably most true explanation: I'm a teenager and it could be hormones. But, man, that's the typical answer. Eff that crap. Let's be creative!
My explantion is simple... kinda. I'm thinking the reason I haven't been hungry is because I easily weigh over 200 pounds and my body's like, "Mayn, lose dat junk!" Well, it's an idea.
I feel the last two (music and hating the world) kinda go together. Now, I have generally hated most of humanity since I started studying psychology. I noticed just how stupid people can be. Even today, in math, my math teacher made 3 errors, one after the other. If you take a square root of (x2), 2 being squared, it's x, not x2. Derp.
So I also recently rekindled my likeness for Eminem. Recently being like... 2 months ago? Anyway, in the last few weeks, I've acquired a few more Eminem songs, mainly ones that pretty much perfectly reflect what I've been thinking about:
- Revenge
- Love and hate
- Retaliation
- Standing up for yourself and your friends
- Apology, sorrow, and sadness (kinda all the same deal)
Of course, with thoughts like that, you can imagine I'd have to keep it all to myself, or at least not take action.
I also found that I kinda like Skrillex, who, of course, has a song that has one theme: "I want to kill everybody in the world." Hm, not a bad idea, Skrillex. Too bad I can't do that. But, I also can't really act like I want to kill people, so all I do is keep to myself.
Dubstep, also, is something I've been getting more into. I've liked dubstep, but I'm talking hardcore, brash stuff. Oh, and turn it up to 11. Nah, 12, just because. I'm thinking, due to past experience, this is due to my renewed hatred for humanity. I mean, really:
When I was mad, I would listen to metal. When I wanted to kill people, I'd listen to dubstep and death/black metal. When I wanted to kill people and metal didn't help, I'd take a sword to my archery target and an hour later be vacuuming its remains.
I once had a perfect body pillow. Soft polyester and cotton. Now it has several holes in it, one of which was done by a blade that I decided to effing murder with. It's a big hole :)
I've been thinking about anger management, yesh. But, well, that costs money. I need at least a scooter, if not a car, and a license, soon I'll be moving out (well, within the year hopefully), and I want upwards of $10,000 worth of music equipment, instruments being only half of that. I can't afford anger management. LOL.
I've been like this for several years now. I found, going through legal records, that I've always not given a crap, too. No, for real, the records lady wrote that I had a "devil could care" attitude. This is known as stoicism, aka not giving a crap. Of course, I have feelings, but I've found it's hard to access them, but possible.
What's my point with this whole blog post? Um, rage post? Explanation of odd behaviour? Why I've been blocking out most of the world? Yeah, let's go with the last one. I'm unsure of how this will turn out. I'll either be hated by all, dead, or go back to normal (which is predicted to be the best chance). So yeah.
Basically, your fellow musician/architect is messed up. Aww yeah.
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